She's Got A Way

Events of the past few days have compiled one upon the other, like a slowly moving steam locomotive that could not be stopped, building and building in its momentum, until it rumbled out of control.

Perhaps I feel this way because I slept through a good many of the hours and am not cognizant of occurrences during that time, but I think somehow it is more than that. I wonder, now having a moment to myself to do such, if I am as much in control as I thought. I always prided myself upon that, being in control. I should have confessed that to the priest, pride certainly is a grievous sin, to be sure, but I did not, having only one sin on my mind that night, or rather, morning. That I am not in full control, that thought should cause me great consternation, and serious sleeplessness, but I must confess, if only in this journal, that it does not. Indeed, I have been sleeping better and better than I have in quite some years, as long as my wife is in my bed.

There’s a word I never thought to write again. Wife. I thought at first discovery that was a grave error made on my part, no matter how I made it. But experience has taught me to step back, have patience, and sit with a thing before I snap to a judgment. In retrospect, I am glad I did. She has a way about her, this woman…my wife…and I cannot call to mind what it is, but I am engaged fully in things when she is with me. And I am not sorry. Nor do I want out of the position. I told her….well, I told her a great many things last night, before I sealed the words with the action of a man quite on the edge of his passion. She brings that to me, as well. Yet, I digress. I told her that life makes no promise of fairness to anyone who passes through it, that we all take chances, with no guarantee of results. I told her that my life was worth nothing lived alone, and priceless with her in it. I told her that I was quite in love with her.

I cannot explain it, perhaps because love usually defies explanation. I did not realize it until I said the words to her.
But they happen to be true. She has come to me, somehow, and I will not question it further. Her love has pounded at the rock of my heart, over and over, waves crashing against the bulkhead, time and time again, reaching out to me, and last night I chose to take her offering and ride the tide with her.

I move forward with no regrets.

There is one small nagging worry at the bottom of thisall, and that is, I have had the dream again….not my own, but Gavin’s. It has been so long since I had it, that I did believe it purged and dissolved. Quite obviously that was wrong, but what it means in its appearance now, I do not know. The dream is hideous still, to be sure, but it was not precisely as I recalled. Somewhere I have the tattered journal of Captain Severe and if I can put my hands upon it, I can read how it was back then. Perhaps I can then begin to make sense of it, but even then, perhaps not. It is a dream, notwithstanding, and dreams often make no sense. The thing is….Gabriella told me I had acted while I dreamt, that she found me on the balcony, dancing with a dagger. I do not remember this at all; it was a night of raging fever brought on by the gunshot wound in my shoulder. (Whoever aimed for her and missed will have my wrath to deal with once discovered. It will not go well for him.) Because of my wife, because of her ways, she was able to bring me back to myself, and out of the fever of the dream. That Gabriella did this for me, I have no doubt, for I am here, and well again, to write these words.

This, then, I know: I am not the same without her. I do believe I love her, even as I admitted to her. This is the last; it has to be, for I could not survive the demise of another love. It would be my end and rightly so.
I will do all that I can to keep her safe and keep her here, then, for God help me if she ever goes from my side.

 

She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her

She's got a way of pleasin'
I don't know why it is
But there doesn't have to be a reason
Anyway

She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know what it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me

She's got a way of talkin'
I don't know what it is
But it lifts me up when we are walkin'
Anywhere

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me andI get turned around

She's got a way of showin'
How I make her feel
And I find the strength to keep on goin'

She's got a light around her
And everywhere she goes
A million dreams of love surround her
Everywhere

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me and I get turned around

She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know what it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me

She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her
Anyway