Fate Smiled at Destiny

SHIP'S LOG
The schooner Anna-Maria, Port o' call - London
Somewhere upon the Atlantic Ocean

Honeymoon Trip, Day Four
August, 1888
Late afternoon, near sunset


Gabriella and I are back on board the Anna-Maria for the moment, after having been forced from her a few hours ago.  We are not permitted to leave yet, but I think we both needed some time to ourselves to process what has happened.  I have so many questions, but Gabriella just looked exhausted, and so I can delay my interrogations, for her sake.  She is resting below in our stateroom and most likely as confused and as astounded as I find myself to be. Saying that it was an interesting occurance is the least I can say about it, but I am still not sure what it all means, so I shall not recount its telling here, except to say that I am still reeling from the possibilities of all that I have learned.

There are things that I have felt, things that I have written, that I have hidden, from others, even from myself. In the very back pages of my journal is a section of different scribblings, with no organization to them, just pages with dates at the top, where I have jotted down my secret feelings of that day. They made no sense to me, yet I wrote them, being awake and fully cognizant, not in some dream or sleep state, and not as Gavin, or anyone else in the present.

I wrote them as I am, they came from the mind of Antonio Sabatier.

They did not scare me, exactly, but often I would look at what I had written on the page afterwards and wonder where I had gotten the words, and the ideas, that had formed there. I was more curious, than anything. I suppose that is one reason I have often sought to collect so many volumes for my libraries, on various and sundry topics, where often when I had spare moments, I would just browse and read the odds and ends of literature, both fiction and non. I am not sure I was searching, at least not consciously, but perhaps I was. I presumed I was just thirsty for knowledge.

I even recall one of the first things I thought of doing when I knew I was moving to London was to ask Robert to have some books procured from local sources, about the land, the customs, the people, the history, even about the city of London itself. I suppose they wait for me now, in some place in the townhouse, but I have been too busy to find them and peruse their contents. I could not have imagined, at the time I asked that they be purchased, that I would be married and away on my honeymoon, almost immediately after settling into the townhouse on Park Lane.

Destiny does have a way of holding its own surprises in this lifetime....or any lifetime, I suppose I must now hasten to add.
Her fate has smiled upon my destiny.
And, together now, we will make our way.

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Doctors have come from distant cities just to see me;
Stand over my bed, disbelieving what they're seeing.
They say I must be one of the wonders of God's own creation,
And as far as you see you can offer no explanation.

Newspapers ask intimate questions, want confessions;
They reach into my head to steal the glory of my story.
They say I must be one of the wonders of God's own creation,
And as far as they see they can offer no explanation.

Ooo, I believe: Fate smiled at Destiny,
Laughed as she came to my cradle:
"Know this child will be able,"
Laughed as my body she lifted,
"Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience, and with faith.
She'll make her way; she’ll make her way."

People see me; I'm a challenge to your balance;
I'm over your heads; how I confound you and astound you to know
I must be one of the wonders of God's own creation;
And as far as you see you can offer me no explanation.

Ooo, I believe: Fate smiled at Destiny,
Laughed as she came to my cradle:
"Know this child will be able,"
Laughed as she came to my mother,
“Know this child will not suffer,”
Laughed as my body she lifted,
"Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience, and with faith.
She'll make her way; she’ll make her way."

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SHIP'S LOG
Addendum

After the last entry into my journal, I looked in on Gabriella.  I  stood at the door of our stateroom and watched her sleep for long moments, pondering many things....but most of all,  pondering the wonder of the creature that she is....and how blessed I am to be loved by her.  She could not know, she could never know, that the depth and breadth of that love she gives to me is reciprocated a hundredfold.  Even more than that.

She is so many things to me, all of which I did not realize I craved to be present in my life, until she came and brought them.  I am as dependent upon her for my life as if I was addicted to her and she some newfound opiate.  I want to touch her constantly, if only in reassurance to myself that she is real, that she is there.  Near her is not sufficient, I want to be with her, I want to hold her, feel her breathe.  Inside her skin with her is not too close. 

I would have gone over to her and taken her, take from her the love she exudes.  But my hand was stayed by the way she looked, too much like a little girl that I should be protective of,  as she played with the sleep angels behind those closed eyes,  too peaceful to disturb.  I could only stand and watch her in her slumber, and long for what she has brought to me to return, when she comes back from her dreams.  I worry for her, when those dreams are too hard for her, but it seemed not to be so at that moment.  She was quiet and content and I must allow her to be so.

I went back to the deck to savor a glass of Scotch, the first I think I had poured since that fateful night of our marriage, and watch the sunset.  A few weeks ago, that would have been a most acceptable ending to the day, being alone with my Scotch and watching the sunset.  Tonight, however....I am lonely, achingly so, a tangible sadness that I can feel, for the presence of the woman who slumbers below.  I am empty without her to fill that part of me that she has awakened, that part of me I never knew was lacking, until I knew of her.  I want to touch her, kiss her, so hard to take away her breath, her awareness, her soul, as I possess her.  I want to lose myself within her.

I want her.