The Raven Returns

SHIP'S LOG
The schooner Anna-Maria, Port o' call - London
Somewhere upon the Atlantic Ocean
August, 1888


THE RAVEN RETURNS

I find myself on the Anna-Maria in the midst of our honemoon, imagine that!! It has already been an ordeal, this marriage, and so short a time we have had with it. Some things have been marvelous, some things unsettling, but always it has been eventful. Gabriella, alone, brings such a zest for life to me that each day the dregs of the way I was recede more and more. I will not say she alone has been my salvation, because for that to occur one must be open and receptive to it, so that the reason lies quite likely with both of us, but I am glad to be alive, more glad than I can remember ever having been, and I look forward to the days, now that Gabriella is in them with me.

With Gabriella resting below deck this afternoon, I was alone in the pilothouse of the Anna-Maria keeping watch over her direction when I chanced to sight a bird above in the cloudless blue sky. Not unusual in and of itself, but we are at the moment far from shore, with nothing upon the horizon but sea in all directions, and without some nearby spot of land, why would a bird venture out this far? I was curious and took out the spyglass for a closer look. It was a raven, huge and glossy-feathered, a black speck of darkness in the otherwise perfect heavens, and I shuddered with the sight of it. I do not know why, exactly, it was an involuntary reaction on my part, and I have no basis of fact for my negative reaction to seeing it....merely a feeling. Sometimes I dismiss such feelings as having no validity, but as of late, and especially since being with Gabriella, I am thinking these are signs of some unknown important to which I ought pay some attention. Fate? A few weeks ago I would have said no, under no circumstance, but now, I am not as sure. Gabriella thinks we may have been destined from a long time ago, even from a previous life, to be together, or so she said. I will not go that far, but I must admit, I am appreciating more and more her insistence that things, at least some things, seem meant to be.

I had my journal open, ready to pen my impressions of the days thus far of our honeymoon, having been too otherwise engaged to do so before, and I thumbed through the entries to see if there had been any past encounter with a raven of which I had written. There was nothing about a bird, but there was indeed an entry about a raven. It was one of the early entries, from several years ago; I had not browsed through that part of my journal since I had written it, I suppose. As I read the words I had written there so long ago, I well remember the time that sparked it, a time of unknown personal disquiet for me, a time when I would hear in my dreams the voice of a woman, yet never know more about her, or know what she said or even know what my dreams would mean. So vibrant and vivid did the dreams become, and the feeling that I should know more, but not having any knowledge of even what to search for, I feared I would disturb my household and took to riding in the dense forest during the nights. I thought I might be going mad, my earliest thoughts of such, when I could find no respite from the voice.

Raven in ancient lore is always a messenger, a creature that brings a warning to be heeded. I do not know why I should have any warning right now, but I cannot help but think I should pay attention to it, and to the words that the Raven of my past left with me, as recorded in my journal from years ago:


I have taken to riding when the such thoughts threaten my sanity - hard and fast through the woods in the deep of night - and I am sure that my stallion will be relieved once these irregular outings cease - or at least he will be more rested, not having his sleep interrupted in the middle of the night. Trouble is....I know not when that may be....or how to bring it about. And so, for now....I ride, late into the night, to chase the thoughts of her from my mind.

Which is how I came to meet the Seer, a woman named Raven, quite a beauty and aptly named, for her hair does shine like a raven's wing. It was but a few nights ago on one of my restless journeys to nowhere that I happened upon her....and the words she had for me have haunted me ever since.

"Pride will be your downfall if these words you do not heed. The forest is deep and the path is long, but narrow. Stray but a step, and you will find that the forest is not only deep, but wide. Many who go there find the adventures they seek, but for those who do not take heed of the warning, the forest becomes a tomb."

How she knew of my almost nightly travels into the woods, I do not know, but truly she has the Gift. Her words of the present were unnerving, but not nearly so asher words of what might be:

"The path you must take will not be straight, nor will it be easy. Choose you the wrong direction and your travels will end in disaster. A great loss, you must be prepared to accept. Do not attempt to prevent the loss, or your life will be forfeit."

And that I could not share with Pene, for it would bring ill will to this trip of hers we now find ourselves in the midst of - it is bad luck to begin such a journey with the ominous words of a Seer, as it is. Quite clearly I recall my reply to Raven then and what she said to me afterwards:

"My life means nothing if I cannot give it for those I love. It matters not, then.....that I forfeit it....if my actions save one I love. That....I would gladly do....again and again."

"Forfeit your life if you must, but know this ... by doing so, you also forfeit the life of the One who can save them all. That One is yet to come. Forfeit your life, and you also forfeit Hers."

What else she said to me, this woman with the Gift, or the Curse, of Second Sight, I shall keep private, even from these pages. What she said of me alone, well...time only can be the Truthmaker there. But if her words do foreshadow future actions on my part....I can only pray to Gwyn Ap Nuad that I choose wisely indeed...guided by His Hand.

So mote it be, if it be Thy will, Gwyn Ap Nuad. I pray for your strength and guidance at first light. And if it be your time to come for me, come swiftly, and let me bring honor to you with my death. In the name of the warriors who have gone before me, and whom one day I will join in the afterlife. Hear my words and grant the wishes of my heart.

I wonder now again, as I wondered then, what the message of Raven was. It is disquieting, but no known, absolute answers lie within my grasp, even now the same as then. But I do have for comfort the words of the wise woman that I am now married to, so I will put my trust in our bond and in the words she has said to me....that all things happen for reasons.