The Sound of Absolute Silence

Aboard the Anna-Maria
SHIP'S LOG
Day Two

 

I am in my element once again. 

Why it did not occur to me to seek her out sooner, I do not know, but I am here now. 

The sea.

 

This morning I woke to the sound of absolute silence, liberated from the sounds of any other human being, and it was glorious.  Not that I will not miss my family and friends I have left in Spain, for I shall and I know how much I shall.  Their love buoyancied me when I was drowning in grief, these past few months.  I can never repay them for their support, their honesty, their devotion to me which never wavered, no matter what my state of mind or being. 

 

But there is something restoring to my soul to be alone, on the sea, and in her absolute silence. 

 

Even the dream that I continue to have, for I have decided that it must be a dream, I must have succumbed to the stress of kneeling in prayer all day and all night and given in to sleep, to have seen such a vision at my sanctuary's altar....even that dream has loosed its hold o'er me somewhat here.  I still have it, the identity of the woman still haunts me, as she comes to me each night, and walks around in my sleep without revealing her true identity.  I first thought it was Pene alone, for I know the voice I heard, and hear, can only belong to my wife.  I will always know her sound.   But the face I glimpsed in that fleeting moment before she melted into the daybreak was unknown to me, its features unclear and foreign. I am a religious man, but not a spiritual one, and I am not a man used to blindly accepting a thing.  I hunted extensively through the periodicals and books of my library, but nothing there held definitive answers for what I thought I was experiencing.  It was Pene's voice who called me "ashke", but why would she tell me to go to London, the exact words......"London.  Seek the treasure in London."....save she be a ghost or a dream?  There is no scientific proof that ghosts exist and the individual elements of dreams when dissected are nonsensical.  Science acknowledges that. 

The value of dreams lies in their message, not in their messengers.

 

That is how I have decided that I can sit with this.  One night in my dream I will know her, she will show me her face.  I must have patience.  I think it is but a test to see how patient I can be and I will rise to the challenge.  I have but little choice, this is in someone's hands other than my own.

 

The sea is being so sweet to me today, the waves gentle and soothing, her hue so crystalline blue that I believe I can see beneath her surface into her very depths.  She is a rare gem that sparkles just for me, just for the touch of my hand as I trail it in her waters.  She comes alive as I touch her.  She and I are companions to one another on this day without need for any spoken words.  She gives to me her strength and I take it, hungrily, as a starving man who is at last being fed the only thing he craves....the silence of understanding.

 

There was a time when I dreaded another day but no more. 

I look forward to another day, if it be like this one.

 

Voy con Dios.