The Hound and the Hare

I have pinched myself until I am black and blue.
Be the events of the past few hours and days but a dream of some monumental nightmarish proportions I should have waked by now.
And still I recall the events too clearly, in too much detail, as if I had lived through them. I feel like the hunted hare trying to outrun the hellish hound set upon his tracks who skittles into the hollowed log and comes out the other end, dazed, confused, darting about in frenzied flight, running anywhere just to get away.
I did that....married the woman, apparently, although my Scotch-soaked brain did not recall it, and then took to my frenzied flight, only to be cajoled back by her henchman, into some ghoulish occurrence so out of sync with reality that I should doubt my sanity yet again.
But even if a product of my mind, in one way or another, insanity or dream, I cannot deny the reality of what happened next, nor my feelings for her. She brought a fire to my loins too easily, so eager was I to embrace it, that all else was lost.
I was lost.
And woke tangled up with her in her bed to find our reportedly forgotten vows of marriage quite thoroughly and completely acted upon, by the both of us.
Round one to the hell-hound, hare on the ropes and bleeding badly.
I responded just like the animal who has but two choices for survival, fight or flight.                Fight I had tried already, with dire results, and no escape. Tis how I ended up in such a mess. Flight, then. I made some hasty excuse for leaving, having some business to attend to, of course, isn't that always the way of it, and escaped to the prison of my own making, my London townhouse.
But I could not get her out of my mind.
I need help. The guiding hand of an unseen power and I know hardly where to begin....save to return to the altar of my God. Yet it is too far, I must seek Him in another refuge now. I shall walk the streets until I find a sanctuary here in London, bend my knee to the Father, and confess my sins. Too long has it been since I was shriven and purged of such.
I know not what else to do.