The Writings of a Paladin: Consequences (07/30/05)

I killed a man today.

It was an accident. Still, the outcome, for the man, at least, is the same.

He is dead and I am the cause.

That I am the cause is of no great consequence. There are only my feelings to be dealt with, and I will. I have, after all, killed many a man, on purpose, under the guise of war. Justified? Perhaps. Kill or be killed? Most certainly. But I never put faces, never allowed myself to think of those men in terms of what they were - men....real flesh and blood men...with families....with hopes and dreams....promises to keep....none to realized - because of my hand. That was war and they were the enemy. Faceless. Emotionless. Collective grief felt but not in individualistic terms.

This man today....his life is over because of my actions.

I can deal with those - my actions. I must, for I go on. I survive.

He does not.

What does that mean, not to me, but to him?

Does anyone ever really consider that? His life is over now.

Gone are the days he will spend walking in gentle sunshine in the company of his family, perhaps his wife, his children.

Gone are the days he will spend working for his wages, possibly as a tradesman, seeking to pass along to his son the legacy of his honest work. He can never do that now.

Gone are the days he might have known as a grandfather, the joys of seeing his children grow to adulthood and present him with grandsons and granddaughters for him to spoil.

Gone are the nights he will spend in the company of his friends, partaking in an ale or two, a tall tale or two, and a frivolous pat on the rump to some cheerful barmaid.

Gone are the nights that he will spend at the suppertable, eating a meal prepared by the hands of his wife, and then later, take her to bed, each sharing in the marital ritual.

Gone is everything for him that he valued in this world.

Gone is the essence of what he was....his sorrow, his joy, his fear, his anger....his love.

Gone for him is everything.

And I am the reason.





~~~ Sir Antonio Sabatier ~~~

Diplomatic Liason to the Duchess of Ashford

The Marquis of Pantera, a.k.a., The Black Panther



"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within." ~~ Emerson